When I grow up, I want to be…

I often wondered as a child just what I would be when I grew up.  I had plenty of grandiose ideas, plans, and air castles, but I knew that none of them would come true unless that’s what God wanted for me.  During the last years of homeschooling, I became a little more insistent on knowing what God wanted me to do, because I was trying to plan what to do about college and a job.  By highschool I knew that I eventually wanted to be a stay-at-home homeschooling mom, but of course, that dream wasn’t going to materialize the minute I finished school.  So I needed something to do while I was single and before I began raising my share of arrows for the Lord (Psalm 127).

The closer I got to the end of highschool, the more important it became for me to know what God had for me, and I was beginning to get impatient.  It was time to plan, but I did not have a direction.  While I was a decent student, I did not excel in any particular subject enough to feel like I wanted to pursue it as a career, but I wasn’t even certain that God had a husband and family in my future.

In the end, I decided that I would pursue a bachelor’s degree because if I got a job, that would help, and because as a homeschooling mom, it might be helpful (for instance, my mom can administer our standardized tests because she has her bachelor’s degree, whereas other homeschoolers have to make other arrangements; I couldn’t know for sure what the regulations would be by the time I began homeschooling, nor could I be sure of what state(s) I might be homeschooling in).  During the last part of my senior year, I finally understood that my dream of homeschooling would someday come true.  But I still did not want to be idle until that day arrived.

I chose to pursue college online.  This was because I knew I wanted to stay at home with my family.  I’m very family oriented, which I count as a good thing, so the idea of living on a campus away from everything and everyone I’d ever known scared the 18-year-old I was then.  Although I’ve since reached the point where I would feel more comfortable with that situation, I am very thankful that I made the decision to stay home and learn more from my mother during my college years.  I love being at home and involved in all the family’s activities.

Mom and I did some research into online colleges, but at the time they were few and far between.  I got course catalogs from a couple, but the listings didn’t interest me.  When Mom wrote to one college, mentioning that I was homeschooled, they responded that their program was not what I was looking for.  We agreed with them — if they weren’t going to be accepting, we weren’t going to waste our time on them.  Eventually we found Empire State College, which seemed like a good fit.

Empire State College allows students, I could almost say requires students, to formulate their own degree programs, so I knew going in that I could tailor my college education very much like we had tailored my homeschool education.  My mother had finally suggested that I study small business publications because I had enjoyed the graphic design elements in my computer science course during my junior year.  I decided that appealed to me, so I gave it as my tentative plan.  It was better than a simple Liberal Arts degree, which was the other choice!

Then I began writing my applications.  My father’s employers offer a scholarship to children of employees, which was large enough to cover nearly all my expenses.  They wanted an essay which told why I deserved their money (okay, that’s not their words, but it’s the meaning anyway).  As I wrote and Mom helped edit, we finally realized that I was writing the essay about helping people.  I enjoyed going with my mother to help out the elderly ladies in our church, and anyone else who needed something done.

That scholarship essay helped define my entire degree.   I was able to plan my whole degree to prepare for a job in human services administration.  I included several courses on communications and on human development as well, which have complemented my major very well.  In the meantime,  through volunteering at a nursing home, homeless shelter, and senior day care facility, I have been able to find my niche in eldercare.  I really enjoy working with the elderly, so I was very excited when, just two weeks ago, the senior club decided to hire me.  It’s only a few hours a week, but it’s real experience and I welcomed the opportunity.

Now, I’m graduating this spring, and hopefully going to land a full-time job somewhere.  Does that mean I’ve lost my vision of being a homeschooling mom?  Not at all.  But I know full well that I am not ready to be a homeschooling mom.  I have to take a couple of other steps first!  In the mean time, I hope to glorify God through my work in eldercare (or a related branch of human services) as I wait for His timing.  My work in the human services field will ultimately prepare me to be very useful to my brothers and sisters in Christ, because I am learning the services that are available.  I won’t stop helping others when I get married any more than I’ve forgotten my dream of homeschooling just because I’ve gone ahead and gotten a college degree.

Helping others and homeschooling are two pieces of the puzzle that is my life, and I trust that God knows exactly where to put each piece, and when to put it in.  So long as He’s doing the driving, I’m just thankful to be along for the ride!  And ultimately, the goal is not to help others, or to homeschool.  My purpose here on earth and someday in heaven is to glorify God and fellowship with him.

When I grow up, I want to be more like Christ.