Posted tagged ‘relationships’

Have You Got the Time?

March 4, 2014

Since I’ve stopped working, I’ve sometimes felt like I have time on my hands.  I’m not sure that I’ve been using it as wisely as I could be, but one of the reasons why I felt like it was time to come home for good was that I was getting glimpses of inspiration while I was at work and by the time I got home, it would be gone.  I had no energy to pursue creativity.

I resigned in November, and then the holidays came, so I didn’t feel like I could really find a new normal until late January or February.  I’m falling into something of a normal pattern now.  It involves some outside activities like my Ladies’ study one morning a week, a piano lesson for a new homeschooler, and my weekly shopping.  I also usually visit my Mom and younger brothers at least once a week.  And then I have a bunch of projects going at home.

Beside the furniture and painting plans we’ve been making and the various household items that I’ve been working on picking up during my shopping excursions, I’m also working on a few craft projects.  I think I posted once about all my hobbies/crafts.  Right now, I have two crochet projects, three painting projects, and one cross stitch project all going at once, plus two or three other painting projects and a crochet project or two in the wings/early planning stages.

And now that I’m at home, when inspiration strikes, I pick up my guitar and work on a song.  I’m just beginning to see the fruit of the decision Sir K and I made last fall that I needed to come home.  I have the time and the freedom to write the melody that is singing inside of me.  And that wants to be shared.  I have the time and energy to practice my playing and singing, to become better able to share all God’s songs with people.

These days I sometimes feel like I have time on my hands, but I can usually find something constructive to fill it.  And I finally have time to focus on the things that God has called me to do.  One is to create a welcoming home for my husband, future children, and friends.  Another is to share the music He has put in my heart.  I am a vessel through which He wants to sing the songs of His heart, and I just pray that I can keep getting out of His way.  My songs may only ever touch my small circle, my church family, but God knows and will send me the songs He wants them to hear.  If he wants a song heard by the nation, he sends it to someone on the national scene.

Do you have time in your schedule for the things God is doing in and through you?  So many people these days, especially women, are so busy at work that they have little time for the basics at home, let alone hobbies.  Between work and their social life they are emotionally drained, leaving less and less for family and self.  Or their work and family take up all their time and they have little left for socializing or for God. I’m not trying to say that everyone should give up working, but that you should give some serious thought to this question.

What is your calling, and are you spending time on it?

Which Shelf Are You On?

February 25, 2014

At some point during the last year, my husband told me a story very similar to the one I told in my last post, and told me that he was the little boy who had let his father choose.  I was the wife off the top shelf.  Of course, I countered that he was on the top shelf himself, so how come he hadn’t seen me!

As a follow up to that post, here’s the flip side.  Which shelf are you on?

Are you a person worth putting on the top shelf?  One of my most viewed posts is Are You a Woman Worth Waiting For? which I wrote back in 2011.  I talked then about focus and preparation, focusing on God’s plan for you right now and preparing for the future He’s planning for you later.  Those things are valid for both men and women as we wait for the spouse God has planned for us.  Whether you’re 15, 25, or 45, you can be focused on God and preparing for the future He is bringing you.

I value the fact that my husband didn’t go wife-hunting, dating every girl who came along.  He’d been out of college for three years before he met me – plenty of time to have given up on God ever bringing someone along and have gone looking himself.  But he didn’t.  He just kept doing the work that God put in front of him, and in His time, God brought me to that church and introduced us.

And because Sir K had waited patiently while preparing for having a wife and family, he already had a steady job, had bought a house, and had paid off his student loans before asking me to marry him.  Many young couples do not have this opportunity, some because God wanted them to take another path, others because they rushed ahead with their own plans before they were ready.

Are you willing to wait?  To be “on the shelf” for a few years?  To focus on God’s plan instead of your own?  To prepare for the future instead of just wishing it would get here sooner?  If you want a “top shelf” spouse, then start thinking how to be worthy of that person first, and let God take care of getting them to you.  Then when God brings that “top shelf” person along, they will also see something “top shelf” about you.

Which Shelf Are You Looking At?

February 23, 2014

I’d like to tell you the story of two little girls.  Their names are Gabby and Fay, and they are twins.  One day they went to the toy store with their father, to pick out a toy because their birthday was coming.  The girls were on a quest to find the best doll ever.

Gabby immediately grabbed a doll off the nearest shelf, a very pretty doll with  a pink dress.  “This is the one I want, Daddy,” she announced.  “She’s the prettiest thing here.”

Fay looked over, and agreed.  “I like the pink dress too.  She looks like a princess.  She’s the prettiest doll I’ve ever seen.”

Their father looked down, “Are you sure?  Would you rather have those, or would you prefer that I choose for you and make it a surprise?”

Gabby piped up quickly, “Oh, no, Daddy, I want this one most.  Please, please?  Just let me have this one?”  She hugged the doll closer as if to prevent her father from taking it away.

“And what about you, Fay?  I’d like to give you the best present I can,” he continued as he met her eyes.

Fay thought for a few long moments, then looked down at the doll she held.  To Gabby’s surprise, Fay put her doll back on the shelf and quietly turned to their father.  “Daddy, you pick out my doll.  I know you’ll pick the best one.  You always give me the best presents, and you never needed my help before.”

“But Fay, this is the best doll here!” Gabby was aghast.  “Daddy, aren’t you just going to get her that same doll?  You’re being silly, Daddy!”

“Am I? Well, you’ve made your choice, so I’ll buy your doll now and we’ll put it in the spare bedroom until your birthday.  I’ll come back later to buy Fay’s doll.”

The birthday dawned a week later, and the twins were both excited to open their presents.  Each had received a few gifts from friends and relatives, which were quickly opened and exclaimed over.  Finally, they turned to their father for his gifts.  A small smile played around his face, chasing twinkles from his eyes.

Gabby’s doll was wrapped in pink with a silver ribbon.  She tore into it quickly, and pulled out her doll.  Her smile dimmed a little, and she looked over to watch Fay open her gift.  The pink princess’s glamour was already wearing off.

Fay’s doll, on the other hand, was wrapped in blue paper and tied with a white ribbon.  She tore into it carefully, and gasped at what she saw.  The doll was dressed as a queen, wearing a wonderful gold ball dress.  The queen doll was smaller, but even more beautiful than the one Gabby had picked, and she had a small trunk of accessories.

“Happy Birthday, Fay!” said her father.

Fay’s eyes shone.  “Oh, Daddy, she’s so beautiful!” she breathed.  “Thank you for picking her for me!”

“Daddy!  Where did you find this doll?!  I didn’t see it at the store.”  Gabby’s eyes were stormy and her tone upset.

“Oh, this doll was there all the time, but you couldn’t see her.  She was on the top shelf, above your head.  You chose your doll from the ones you could see, but Fay decided to let me choose from the dolls I could see.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Are you like Gabby?  So intent on finding the best present, best job, best husband that you are unwilling to step back and let God do the choosing?  So sure of yourself that you won’t relinquish control?  What if God is like this father and can see the top shelf?  What if He has bigger plans, if only you’ll let Him give you His best?  Will you be like Fay and wait?

Note: I heard a version of this story from my husband during our engagement period, and it was not original with him.  I have taken some artistic license with it, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway.  Stay tuned for the second question!

Just a short year ago…

November 20, 2013

I was single and didn’t want to be.  Yep.  I was getting to the end of my tether, and it felt like God had prepared me enough that I was ready.  So where was Prince Charming?  Was I doing something wrong?

It didn’t help that I knew a guy who could fit the bill.  Quiet, responsible, 5 years out of college and working, funny, and my best friend.  But nothing more than a friend.  And no sign that he wanted to be.

At this time last year, I was in a holding pattern.  Waiting to God to move.  Waiting to see what He was going to do.  Trying not to let my impatience ruin my friendship.  Waiting.

Most of you know, waiting is not a fun game most of the time.  As a human, I like to know what’s going to happen in the future.  Whether that future is tomorrow, next week, or next year.  But I had to learn to let go of that and let God work out the details.  If He wanted me to go another year, did I really want to rush in anyway?  If I’d learned anything about the Lord in my twenty odd years, it was that He has good reasons when He asks us to wait for something.

And sure enough, waiting paid off big.

This time last year, I couldn’t know that within a month, my best friend would ask me to embark on an intentional relationship exploring whether marriage was God’s plan for us.  Within four months, we would be engaged. And a year later as I write this now, we’re four months married, in a cozy little home, and very happy that God chose each of us for the other.

When God makes changes, sometimes we have to wait while He sets up the stage first, and then hang on to the handrails, because the whirlwind is coming!  With 19 weeks from engagement to the wedding, our planning was nonstop, or felt like it.  Once Sir K asked me the initial question last December, things didn’t really slow down until…well, a couple of weeks ago when I quit working.  More on that in a later post.

But we needed the waiting at the beginning.  Little did I know that Sir K had been asking God when he could propose to me for a year before he actually got to do so.  When I found out that he had faithfully waited until God gave him the green light, it meant so much more to me that he had waited for God’s timing than if he had merely asked God if it was me and then forged ahead.  And God did several things with both of us that year which never would have happened if Sir K had been courting me.

So, for all you waiters out there, whether you’re 18, 28, or 48, whether you’re waiting for a husband, a child, a job, or something else entirely, whether you see a possibility on the horizon or not, know that God is faithful to bring you the desires He has placed in your heart In His Time.  That song is still one of my favorites, and I made sure it was in my prelude music because it has become so special to me over the course of my waiting.

He does indeed make all things beautiful in His time, even me.

In His time, in His time,
He makes all things beautiful, in His time,
Lord please show me every day, as You’re teaching me Your way,
That You do just what You say, in Your time.

In Your time, in Your time,
You make all things beautiful, in Your time,
Lord my life to you I bring, may each song I have to sing,
Be to you a lovely thing, in Your time.

From another Quill – Why Don’t I Have a Boyfriend?

May 7, 2013

I couldn’t wait for the day that guy would walk out of my favorite country song and into my life.

Then came disappointment. Shattered expectations. Uncertainty. Frustration. Bitterness. And ultimately, a calloused heart.

By the time I was 21, it was, Forget this! ‘Love’ is too full of failure for me to waste time waiting anymore. I’m a good girl, I deserve a good man. What is the problem here?

Read the rest of Phylicia’s post here: Why Don’t I Have a Boyfriend?.

I’m Ready, Why Aren’t You, God?

February 8, 2013

Have you ever felt like you were ready to begin the next phase of your life, but that God hadn’t opened the door yet?

Perhaps you’ve been trying to get into colleges, but you didn’t get accepted into any of the ones you wanted.  Maybe you’re job hunting, but nothing is turning up.  Maybe you’re waiting for Prince Charming, but he’s not being very obliging about ringing your doorbell.  Some of my readers might even be trying for a child, but having no success.  Maybe it’s something completely different.

Have you felt like telling God that you were ready and that you wished He’d hurry up and open the door?

Sometimes we’re not as ready as we think we are.

For the past 5-8 years, I have felt like God has had to push me out of my comfort zone to move me forward.  Usually He used my mother to jump start something new, because I really didn’t like change.  Which meant that my mother had to encourage me to go ahead and volunteer different places, to go on and really hunt for a job, to start singing with the church worship team.  Each time, I’ve been a little apprehensive about the new activity, but each time, I have also very much enjoyed the time I have spent doing it.

About six months ago or so, I told my mother that I finally felt “ready” to move on to the next phase of my life.  This was a new feeling for me, and I recognized that I probably wasn’t really ready, even though I felt like it.  We allowed that my success with my job, which I had been very nervous about in the beginning, was helping me to feel that I was ready for a new challenge in another realm – relationships.

So, I was ready.  Or was I?

Another three months went by.  Nothing much had changed.  I should mention here that I have a very good friend that I met about the time that 3G went off to college.  Sir K had helped to fill the void left by 3G not being around all the time.  Over the three years I’d known him, Sir K had become very close.  So when I felt like I was “ready,” although I tried not to assume anything, I did have a pretty good idea who God might have in mind.

So three months ago, I was praying about things, and I began asking “when?”  It was becoming increasingly difficult to be just friends with Sir K.  I had refrained from asking God if this was “the one,” but the cry of my heart was for a deeper relationship, and I felt like I needed to know something now.  Well, apparently God agreed with me, because that night He gave me an answer.  Only one word, but it brought such peace that I knew it was from Him.

“Soon.”

No, it didn’t give me any idea when exactly things would change.  No, I still couldn’t have told you who.  But yes, I was satisfied.  And I was at peace.

Where before I had been “ready,” now I was at peace with the situation.  And in that peace I could be patient.  God would bring it to pass in His perfect timing.  And so He has.

A couple of weeks ago, Sir K and I embarked on something we have termed an Intentional Relationship.  I’ve not been thrilled with the concept of dating as a means to get to know your potential spouse, and on the other side, courtship as defined by the ultra conservatives seemed a little restrictive, besides requiring a lot of parental involvement.  My parents have been helping me transition from child to adult, so the last thing they wanted to do was drive or limit my decision making in terms of a spouse.  So Sir K and I have been finding our own way, through lots of discussions and spending more time with each other and our families.

What point am I trying to make in all this?  I just wanted to encourage all those of you, no matter what door you’re waiting on, no matter whether you think you’re ready or not, all those of you who are contemplating entering a new phase in your life, to wait for God’s timing and His peace before moving forward.  Although I felt like I was ready, I tried very hard not to give any such indication, as I felt that could cloud the issue if my friend was either waiting for God’s okay, or deciding that this was not the direction that God wanted him to go in.  Instead, I lived in the peaceful hope that God would indeed work everything out in His own perfect way, which He has proceeded and is proceeding to do.  He makes all things beautiful in His time.

So what are you “ready” to embark on?  College, a new career, marriage, children?  Whatever door you are waiting for God to open, know that He will open it in His timing, and that it will be well worth the wait.  In retrospect, Sir K and I have each seen things God was teaching us in the last 6 months to a year.  We’ve lost nothing in waiting, and instead have been able to build our foundation of friendship that much stronger.  No matter what you’re waiting for, God will bless you for waiting on His timing.

Sir K and I are excited to see where God will take us in the coming months, we are thankful to Him for His perfect timing, and above all, we desire that He always remain the center of our relationship.

May He bless you as much as He is blessing us.

solomon’s ledger: the strongest desire

January 15, 2013

“…if we can choose something else over our strongest desires, were they truly our strongest desires, or was the “something else” our strongest desire all along?”

Read the rest here: solomon’s ledger: the strongest desire.


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