Singlehood

Putting Aside the Distractions

Ever feel like people just have no concept of the kind of person you are? Okay, good. Then you’ll understand some of my feelings when people ask me if I have a boyfriend, if so-and-so and I are dating, or some such question. I’m sure the inquiries seem natural to them; most girls of 22 have already dated at least one if not more guys for some length of time. So when these well-meaning interlocutors want to be polite and ask me about something going on in my life, they often ask those (to me who rarely fits into the “most girls” category) annoying questions.

So, now, why are those questions so annoying to me?  Well, put it this way.  If you were trying to focus on preparing for a test or a race or something else which is very important to you, and your friends kept asking you to hang out, to talk for hours on the phone, to play video games, or something else equally trivial (in comparison — I’m not trying to say any of these are in and of themselves bad things, just that they can be distractions), how would you feel?

True friends are those who come alongside and help you study, help you train, help you watch what you eat, role play an interview, tell you about what worked or didn’t work for them in a similar situation so that you can benefit from their mistakes and successes.  The other friends are, wittingly or unwittingly, distracting you from your mission.

That’s how it feels when people ask me about boyfriends.

Marriage is still in the hazy future for me.  I’m doing my best not to dwell on it because if I let myself become distracted by the daydreams and castles in the air, I lose my focus on what’s important for me right now.  Sure, someday I know that I will be married.  Someday when God says it’s time!  Until then, my focus is on Jesus and the work he has for me in my singlehood.

What is that work?  Well, there are two aspects of it I’m working on right now.  Firstly, you may remember that I’m finishing up a degree in Human Services.  I’ll be graduating soon (classes are done the end of April, but I won’t walk until June), and looking for full-time employment.  God is already moving on that front, but that’s material for another post.  Let me say here that my desire in a job is to help other people, especially to help them see Jesus.  A secondary benefit will hopefully be an ever-growing bank account with which to bless the start of aforementioned marriage.  The longer I wait for God’s Chosen Man for Me, the bigger that savings will be!  Also, I will gain some perspective on the working world which will give me the background to empathize better with those I meet for the rest of my life, and with my husband.

Another aspect is homemaker training.  Although I know of girls who get married knowing essentially zilch about housewifery, I am determined not to be one of them.  I’ll admit to not being as avid a learner in this area as I should be, based on the usefulness of the knowledge to my future.  I can, however, cook several meals independently and have done so on many occasions.  I have done pretty much all the different cleaning tasks around the house at one time or another, although with anywhere from two to six pairs of hands we are usually able to spread the spring cleaning around!  The budgeting aspect I have studied (in my high school life-prep course), and I’m looking forward to putting it to use as I have significant income and expenses with which to work.

I’m also picking up many techniques, pieces of wisdom, etc. about homeschooling.  While I’m not directly involved with my siblings’ schooling right now, I am aware of the planning going on (our homeschool convention isn’t for another month, but it’s time to start thinking about next year’s curriculum in preparation).  I also love to listen in when my mother has conversations about with other mothers about homeschooling.  That’s one of the reasons I love to go with her to the homeschool convention, so I can learn all I can about the teaching side of homeschooling in preparation for the day when I will be the mother instead of the student.  Sure, having been homeschooled probably gives me a head start, and having my particular mother for a teacher probably gives me a bigger head start than most, but I expect to make my fair share of mistakes anyway, and I’m just hoping not to duplicate those that others around me have made.  I can think up enough of my own, thank you!!!

In all this, from work to wifery to homeschooling, my focus right now is on Christ.  I want to know what His plans are, what he wants to teach me.  These things are merely the out working of what He has shown me is His will for me right now.  The true focus is on Him and Him alone.

Now you see why my friends (and extended family members) who ask about boyfriends get short shrift from me.  All I know and care to know about my future husband is that God has chosen him for me, and that He will bring us together in His perfect time.  Distracting questions and comments are not appreciated, though I try to remain pleasant and laugh it off.

Some people just don’t understand my concept of singlehood.

Laura, over at Echoes in the Wind, has some pretty good posts about Waiting and about the Pressure to be Attached (among other articles).  I’m encouraged to see these and her other posts about being a Stay-At-Home-Daughter because I don’t see these attitudes very often, even among the homeschooled and/or Christian girls I know.  While I’m at it, here’s a link to Latitude 821’s Dating & Courtship posts, most of which I have also read and enjoyed, and which cover the topic from both the girl’s and the guy’s perspective.
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2 Comments on “Singlehood”


  1. […] Reflections of a Homeschool Graduate Thoughts and Memories HomeAbout MeMy FamilyMy TestimonyMy Favorite BooksMy Favorite CurriculumQuestions and Comments RSS ← Singlehood […]


  2. […] more, check out my posts on Singlehood and being a Woman Worth Waiting […]


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